A Visit to Judgment Hall

A very long time ago, when I was four or five years old, I lived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Every day, I went across the street to my neighbor to have red beans and rice during the midday meal. But, most of the time, I strolled the streets on adventures. Nothing much of significance happened other than having mumps and the removal of my tonsils and adenoids. Ether inhalation is a very weird thing to do for sure.

However, one night after I fell asleep, I found myself standing at the Gates of Heaven and talking to the gatekeeper. He told me he was St. Peter and one of his jobs was to greet new souls when they arrived. Naturally, I asked him, “Mr. Peter, why am I here? I am only a kid and was fine when I went to bed.”

St. Peter responded, “Michael, you must have died last night since you are here.”

I replied, “Funny, but I don’t feel dead at all. My body seems quite solid to me.”

“Regardless of the details, you wouldn’t be here unless you died,” replied St. Peter, “and that is that.”

“OK, Mr. Peter. Where do I go now?” I said.

“Well, young fellow, you must go to the Judgment Hall to have your sins weighed,” said St. Peter.

“I replied. That seems very dumb to me, Mr. Peter. How much sin can a four year old commit, anyway? Don’t they have playgrounds around here or red beans with rice?”

And with that, St. Peter grabbed my right hand and walked me quickly to the Judgment Hall and told me to sit down in a pew and be quiet until my name was called. I was wondering whom I was going to talk too anyway as everyone else was grown up and I did not know them.

So I decided to see what was going on. I noticed that God was sitting behind a judge’s bench and there were two tables in front of his bench. At my left was an angel who was to recite the major events in some person’s life and which showed up on a giant TV screen. The person being judged sat to the right at his or her bench.

When the prosecutor angel was done, God looked kindly at the person on trial and asked him or her where they wanted to spend eternity, in Heaven or in Hell. The persons who had lived a kind life chose Heaven and those who lived a mean life chose Hell. And each one seemed very happy with his or her decision, thanking God as they left.

Eventually, I heard my name called and I walked up to the right bench and sat down. The prosecutor angel looked at me with a funny expression on his face. I raised my hand and God said, “Michael, you have a question?”
I stood up saying, “Hello, Mr. God. I hope you are well. I really don’t know why I am here as I am only four years old and haven’t done anything bad or really good. I told Mr. Peter this and he said I had to talk to you anyway. May I ask you a question, please?”

God laughing to himself, smiled saying, “Of course, lad, you may ask me any questions you want to. We have nothing, but time.”

I began, “Mr. God, Mr. Peter put me in the back. I saw that many people come to be judged. But, I do not understand why this place is called the Judgment Hall since you just let people go to the place they liked the best.”

God looked down at me with sparkling eyes saying, “You are right, my lad. I never judge anyone for I love everyone. The people who come here think they must be judged so we just have a pretended trial to make them happy with their choices. You are a very bright little boy, Michael. Is there anything you would like from me?”

I had to think about this for I did not want to ask for something stupid. At last, I looked up to God saying, “Mr. God, I think you must have a very difficult job to watch over the entire universe. I was wondering, if maybe, maybe you could use a helper? I am not very big yet and need to learn many more things, but, I don’t tell lies and I try not to cause any trouble for anyone . . . and I do eat vegetables. If you helped me, I would be a good helper, I am sure.”

Then, God stood up and went to the front of his bench and stood right next to me. “So Michael, you want to be my helper, really? No one has ever asked to be my helper. But, it is a very good idea and I think it might just work. I think we should shake hands and make a deal, don’t you.”

God extended his right hand and we shook on the deal. I said, “Thanks, Mr. God. I will be a good helper, but, don’t I need to go to helper school?”

God said, “Actually, I am going to send you back to Earth so you can live a long life and be a real help to me. But, don’t worry, I will make sure the angels teach you many good things and make you a strong helper. But, you need to learn how to be a warrior also.”

I smiled, “Mr. God, can I be a Viking–a good Viking, I mean?”

All the angels in the Judgement Hall laughed in the kindest way. One of them came up to me and said that his name was just like my name, Michael. He said, “OK, my little Viking warrior. I will return you to your bedroom and watch over you. You will have many fights to bear, but I will teach you all that you need. But, never-ever let your heart grow cold or mean. Promise?”

And I promised Angel Michael that I would always be a good Viking and fight fairly and take care of people who are afraid and hurt or crying. And the next thing I knew it was time to get up in the morning. It was more than a dream. I am sure. And I am glad I am a nice Viking.
I guess this is why the very old Grannies in Ukraine believe that I am an Angel on the earth. Maybe I am.

The Golden Dawn, the AA, and Beelzebub

During my university career, I transferred a few times. I had begun at Brown University with a merit-scholarship and stayed my freshmen year. As they did not have a program in Chemical Engineering, I transferred to UC Santa Barbara for a quarter and then to UC Berkeley for a year. I returned to UC Santa Barbara as I found the professors more amenable to my desires.

The department head, Dr. Myers allowed me to complete both my junior and senior year courses at the same time. This left time for independent research my last year.

It was the year of the draft lottery and my number was 19. I was only able to complete two quarters of independent research as I was drafted and so returned to Northern California and went to my induction appointment in Oakland. Fortunately, I had fractured my 5th cervical vertebra at Brown in the wee hours of the morning, having fallen over the 4th floor banister and onto the steps just above the 3rd floor. The last thing I remembered was hoping that I did not fall between the railings as that would have really hurt!

I heard a loud thud when my upper back and neck struck the red rubber lined wooden stairs. It was a very old dormitory located on Thayer St, Providence, RI. The thud brought me to consciousness and I realized that it was most amazing that I was not dead! As I lay there, my feet faced up the stairs and my neck and back were on the landing. All of a sudden I was surrounded by students as a party had been in progress on the 4th floor. A basketball player from Springfield College picked me up and over his right shoulder. I yelled, put me down–this is killing my stomach.

So he put me down and steadied me as I return to my room on the first floor. I opened the door and told my roommate John (who was involved with a young lady) that I had just fallen off the 4th floor to the 3rd floor and needed to go to bed. And this is what I did.

Skipping over the remainder of my freshman year, I found the sequellae of my injury was constant, sharp, and stabbing pains in my shoulders and neck. Fortunately, as I did not know any thing about drugs, I came to the conclusion that I guess the pain was here to stay. So I made peace with it and decided to continue doing sports and getting along with my life as if the pain was not there.

The pain never went away while I was in university–and some days it was intolerable-but, most of the time I just forgot about it. My shoulder hurt, yes, but, I did not have any significant amount of suffering. It finally resolved itself some 15 years after the injury for reasons unknown.

The injury turned out to have a good side as it kept me from being drafted. I remember waling toward the exit door on the ground floor of the induction center and a brother asked me why I was smiling. I told him I been rejected from the Army and he congratulated me. We parted and as I walked to the exit, I realized how unfair human life truly is. I thought, “Here is a nice man, undereducated, but with a good heart. He is going to die in Vietnam and I will not. Not that I am better than he, but, only because I had the advantage of foresight and education so to make a plan to avoid serving in the armed forces by insuring that my injury had a long medical treatment history.”

My induction day in Oakland, CA was indeed an eye opener of a day!

The reason I brought the matter of the injury up is that I would be at home for some time. Five months before starting graduate school at MIT in Boston, MA and three months before a summer job in Delta, PA working on construction of the Peach Bottom Nuclear Power Plant.

So I decided to study the occult material of the Golden Dawn , as I had found an early copy of Francis Israeli Regardie’s The Golden Dawn. I was a diligent student and prepared all required magical paraphernalia–including, lotus wand, sword, and a set of Enochian Angelic Tablets. I prepared and completed all the Temple Grade rituals as best I could, given my limited monies and talents. I do not remember having any fears about my results.

During this time interval, I contacted Regardie so to locate whether or not Crowley’s AA still functioned. Surprisingly, Regardie replied by sending me a very cryptic note with name and address of another person. I wrote to the second initiate(?) and received another name and address. I continued to follow the path and at last introduced by letter to the secretary of an AA chapter in Los Angeles, CA. The man’s name was John.

John and I began correspondence and I was provided more information as to occult practices. After several months, I was invited to come to the bookshop where the AA was headquartered and participate in an evocation of Beelzebub. John said that this invitation was a very high honor and a catapult.

I did attend such evocation on the scheduled night. As it was impossible for me to physically travel to LA, I accomplished a presence using bilocation, or astral projection.

I will not go into the ritual details of the evocation, as occult practices are often damaging to unprepared psyches, other than to say it was a resounding success. And most entertaining!  Demons are quite misunderstood creatures.

I continued to toy with the occult world experience for a few more months so to continue my experiences. Modifying the rituals using my intuition, I was able to evoke the shades of past historical greats, study with discarnate occult masters, speak with elementals, and even partake of the favors of succubi.

But, in the end, I came to the conclusion that occultism was just dream world manipulation. Moreover, I really never was taught anything significant as to the actuality of human life. So, I left the occult arts to the occultists and began the study of the mystic path of the Rosicrucian Order, AMORC. It was more attuned with my particular personality.

Though, at times the occult arts have proven useful tools for spiritual growth.

Starry, Starry Night

I feel that I owe everyone a blog, so while I am involved in legal stuff, I will fill you in with some curious stories of my life.  All absolutely true outside of memory lapses.  I trust you all shall be entertained!

Before and after my birth, my father and mother worked in Saudi Arabia, being employed by ARAMCO. I was born November 1, 1949, at 13:57 Apparent Solar Time. The place of my birth being Dhahran, Saudi Arabia. Here is the story I was told by my father as to my birth when I turned 13 years old.

My father had spent the day inspecting a new section of oil pipeline. He was returning home and noticed that a large sand storm was up ahead and quickly approaching. He knew of a small oasis ahead and decided to park the car near the date palms. Speeding up, he shortly arrived at the oasis. As he parked his car, he saw that three camels secured in the date trees.

He parked the car and saw three Bedouins seating around a campfire and drinking cups of kawa (Arabic coffee). He approached them and requested, in good Arabic, permission to join them.

The three Bedouins stood up as he approached. One, extending his right hand, greeted my father with the traditional “As-Salamu-Alaykun.”

Too which my father, shaking hands, replied, “Wa-Alaikum-Salaam.” He shook hands with the two other gentlemen and sat down to the campfire.

The Bedouin who first spoke sat across from my father. He broke the desert silence saying, “We have been waiting for you since midday. It is us who rose the sand storm between you and home. It will be here shortly.”

The Bedouin to the right of my father handed him a cup of unsweetened coffee and a small brass plate with dates. Taking the coffee, my father said, “shukran.”

The elder Bedouin continued, “Friend Iidghar, my brothers and I are holy men living in the desert distance from here. Six months ago, I noticed an unusual conjunction of the planets with some background stars. I noticed such to my two friends here, who are very accomplished readers of the sky. After much discussion, we came to the conclusion that Allah the Merciful was going to bring an Angel to earth in a human body. For all of us know that Mohammed was the last prophet and no more shall be given to the world.”

My father drunk his coffee and ate his dates while the elder Bedouin continued.

“Friend Iidghar, in our dreams, Gabriel, came to each of us and told us where to find the father of the Angel to be born. He who was to be known as ‘the Reminder of Truth. And so Gabriel told all three of us where to find you, friend Iidghar.”

My father knew not what to say and so remained silent. The brother to his left continued, “This child will be born on your day, November 1, 1949, 2 hours after the sun reaches its peak in the sky. You shall name him, Mikaeel. Though, he be sent by Allah the Merciful, he must be raised without religious upbringing so he will not fall pray to prejudice in any path to the Lord. His religion shall be of his own making and so be true.”

Soon they found themselves surrounded by the sand storm, but in the oasis it was calm. My father told me later that he was most amazed. He had heard of such tales, but he had thought such to be myths of the desert.

My father said he was told many things by the holy men, but, was prohibited from telling me. So what I tell you, is what was told me. Nothing more. The story stands alone for I cannot verify it. But, it does seem to fit my life in many ways. You, the reader, shall have to judge based upon what is in your heart.


Hello friends.  No time for a path of study blog, just something new on the website.  I have added an autobiographical section recalling some of the strange experiences I have lived through.  Such experiences being part of another life I entered in very early childhood and have explored for many years.  I am blessed to possess an equal twin opposing my earthly and pragmatic side.  Such twin operating within the mystical and occult realms of psychic experience.  Consequently, I live with a bicameral mind, a mind allowing me to work in both worlds simultaneous–which was rather strange until I got use to being such.

In Institute terms, I managed to fully merge types I-d and I-n realities into a single mental state, removing contradictions in my type II reality so to allow type III reality to begin functioning.  The old occultists would say that I possess an astral vessel.

This updates are found in the Teaching Tales page of the website at freedomexercises.org.

Explaining Self: Psychospiritual Significance

Some Readers may be of the opinion that I spent an inordinate amount of time explaining: [1] the reality of self and self-ascribed operations, [2] common misconceptions as to the existence of individualized, permanent spiritual selves, [3] the operational meaning of the psychological term, ego, as a transient psychoneurological function (a verb) and not an objective entity (an action noun), [4] cognitive presence as the touchstone for our innate, formless feeling of existence and beingness, [5] the imago operators and the virtual worlds created by their conjoint operation, [6] how the proto-imago (somataffective sensations) and autobiographical memory function together so to form an objective, somataffective vessel demonstrating in time, continuity, contiguity, and causality, regardless of incremental physical changes, and [7] how the operational imago, with its feeling of unity, permanence, and surety, arises after the cognitive presence merges with the somataffective vessel.

If you have come to truly understand what I am teaching, then, you shall exclaim with me:

Voilá! Et avec cela, votre âme est née!

Moreover, this ‘living’ somataffective vessel, this holy soul, this aphysical self, or supreme ‘I am’, is the most important entity associated with your physical body in this lifetime. It is not permanent, but believes itself so; it is not divine, but believes itself so; it is what suffers mental anguish and pain; it believes it possesses free choice, but normally acts as a zombie; but, in truth, is no more than a psychofugal artefact, an underutilized epiphenomenon, and another figment of our virtual existence.

Attention! Cette âme est le seul véhicule à l̀illumination et Dieu.

For you see, dear friends, the secret to enlightenment is NOT in the physical world per se. True, without the physical there would be no instrument for attaining enlightenment, but the vehicle must not be mistaken for the resultant. And the resultant is found only within the aphysical [one day I will explain what I mean when I use this term in its brilliant splendor]. Trickery, indeed.

I would suggest reviewing these blogs frequently and contemplating upon the two sentences I wrote in French. I have answered the question from yesterday completely.

L̀homme fait son âme, pas Dieu.

I will be taking several days off from our journey upon the Path of Study. I need to allow you all some time to review and contemplate upon this new knowledge and to provide some time for the lessons to take root within your unconscious minds so that the branches may form in your preconscious. Rushing is always a bad gardening technique.

In addition, I need to finalize a Writ of Mandamus to have a superior court Judge overruled! Isn’t enlightenment fun–always the mundane remains?

The next subject, I will discuss is the true inner significance of the Kabbalist Teachings–call it Neo-Kabbalah, if you would like.


Explaining Self: The Riddles of Adam and the Nāgárāja©

It came to pass, on this first day of the New Year, that Adam, as has been his custom since his Awakening, partook and ate another apple from the Tree of Knowledge. No longer did he call it the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, for he to understand that the Nāgárāja had appended the adjective proposition, “of Good and Evil” so to create a riddle. A riddle efficaciously solved by consuming four apples and much intensive Work.

Over the millennia, Adam solved an uncountable number of the Serpent’s riddles and koans, much to the delight of both parties. When appropriate, Adam would provide quite complicated paradoxes for the Nāgárāja to contemplate and relate to his earlier riddles. Both, aware that riddles are the keys to understanding everything, ‘on earth as in heaven,’ so to speak.

I imagine you all are curious as to why Adam and the Nāgárāja are consumed with riddle-solving? This is an extremely confusing concept to adherents subscribing to the absolute veracity of the biblical tale of the Garden of Eden and God Almighty? Fortunately for myself, I solved this teaching riddle with the first apple.

The reason riddles, which are no more than artistic formulations of questions, are critical to linear progress along the Path of Study, is that deep truth resides within the question and not the actual answer. For answers presume an endpoint and questions are inherently open-ended (a subject I discussed earlier).

The seeds residing deep within today’s apple-flesh contain a living riddle. A riddle I have been deciphering for all of you without compensation of any kind. The preface for the riddle is based upon the Sumerian religious text which teaches that the gods made man out of a mixture of clay from the earth and the blood and body of a sacrificed god, i.e.,

You have slaughtered a god together,
With his personality.
I have removed your heavy work.
I have imposed your toil on man.
In the clay, god and man
Shall be bound,
To a unity brought together;
So that to the end of days
The Flesh and the Soul
Which in a god have ripened –
That soul in a blood-kinship be bound.

The riddle asking simply, “Does Man form his soul from what energies he possesses? Or, does God provide him with an immortal soul from beyond?”

The answer being given to you in this series of blogs from the Institute. Try and answer the question before I initiate you into the answer tomorrow.

Explaining Self: Psychoanalysis Modernized (3) ©

I think it prudent to briefly summarize what we have discovered.

First, the social belief impressed upon us since early childhood, i.e., that each possesses a single, unified, homogeneous, and isotropic Ego, or Self, is inconsistent with conscious observation of our mental function, awake or dreaming. Such inconsistency remaining, regardless of where one’s theological position lies between extreme materialism and monotheism.

Second, as the ontogenetic consequence of normal childhood development, we all birthed and manifest several very distinct ‘selves.’ Though, I used ‘self and selves’ in previous blogs, in truth, these words are inherently confusing when used in the vernacular. The concept of ‘self’ in folk psychology innately presumes the existence, in addition to the physical body, of a unified, homogeneous aphysical entity psychological or mental entity, a Self or a Soul.

As I have chosen to eschew common concepts of folk psychology, I need to provide a word lacking any vernacular connection to self or selves. Previously, I introduced the metaphor of the mathematical ‘operator–operand pair’ in my explanation of the imago operators. I said that the imago operators act upon the appropriate operand (incoming somatic and visceral data) so to create defined virtual images, or imagines. Moreover, I showed that we all operate in our manufactured virtual worlds and not directly in the physical. Subsequently, all of the more complicated psychological entities we experience (the folk selves) are no more than our integrated body imago in our local space.

Therefore, I opine that we can replace the vernacular ‘self and selves’ with ‘imago and imagines.’

For example,

Proto-Imago: Humans, primates, monkeys, cats, dogs, and likely all higher mammals and birds manifest a primitive imago, the proto-imago. As previously discussed, based upon ethological observation, these organisms appear to possess inward and outward imago operators (finer grained in species possessing more complex nervous systems). Such operators functioning together so to assure that the virtual imago created by CNS accurately mirrors the spatial position and movements made by the creature’s physical body. The proto-imago is experienced solely ‘in the here and now.’

In recent blogs, I identified the proto-imago with the somataffective imago. I used the latter term as it accurately describes the nature of the proto-imago. As we learned, the inward imago operator manufactures a real-time model of the physical body using the actual spatial distribution of the creature’s somatic and visceral nervous systems (local electrochemical tissue activity).

Furthermore, by continuous monitoring of the biophysical state of the interior body, the CNS responds via the motor systems, overt and covert, in a meaningful way to changes in the creature’s immediate environment.

Cognitive Presence: Earlier, we discussed the cognitive self which manifests around 18 months after birth. For your convenience, I discussed this concept using a psychological term favored by psychologists, ‘cognitive self.’ Later, I replaced the term ‘self’ with the term ‘presence.’ The reason being that the child is not experiencing his or her third imago as an independent entity; rather, the child is experiencing simple existence or presence in his or her mind.

This experience is atemporal and aspatial. As the child continues to attend to the episodic reappearances of the ‘experience the unchanging feeling of just being present’ over long time intervals, he or she automatically develops an unshakeable confidence in the timelessness of formless presence. Eventually, this timeless feeling of formless presence develops into a feeling of continuity in time. It is as if, each moment of new existence is simply another point on a continuous number line.

Deep introspection upon the ‘experience of just being present’ is part of your Path of Work at the Institute. For without a full understanding of the source and meaning of “being present’ no progress will be make towards the goal of awakening into full consciousness, type III reality.

LIBERATION July 19, 1997 Dr. Michael Jon Kell©

Liberation requires the death of self,
and such death must, in lovingkindness, be done.

Death of self is not by knife nor arrow,
nor poison, suicide, nor an accident,
death of self is in mind alone.

Kill this self with crystal-clear realization,
kill this self in meditation deep,
seek and find when all this began.

For immortality is the petit liberation,
I had a beginning, but now no end.

Immortality is only forever, post-beginning.
So why keep the beginning?

The grand liberation is without beginning nor end,
and such is found by awakening within the Unborn.


Autobiographical Imago: The combined functioning of the proto-imago, the cognitive presence, and autobiographical memory gradually come together so to merge in what folk psychology calls the personal Self or Ego. Though, superficially, it appears united to our normal attention and awareness, in truth, ‘tis naught but a dream figment or indigestion late at night.

I refer you to the blog 12/29/15 for a review of the autobiographical imago.